Guest blogger: Grizzlor
I’ve been compared to a bear, a manbearpig, a carpet and even a potato that’s rolled across a dirty floor. I am Grizzlor.
To be honest, I’ve barely achieved an existence that exceeds insignificance since He-Man and She-Ra wrapped up in 1987. If you were born or high in the ’80s then you’re probably having flashbacks to misspent youth and the cringing you may have experienced when Cartoon Network aired remakes in 2002.
Don’t even get me started on the toyline; all of your favourite characters but re-designed and with complimentary anorexia. Despite the advance of resources and technology, even Castle Grayskull was a pitiful representation of its former self. Not to mention they made it SMALLER! Just what every kid and hardcore Masters of the Universe fan wants, right?
But I digress. I went on to move in with the Ghostbusters then up and left to travel the world before becoming broke and working as a store assistant. For now, I’ve decided to reside in Bath, England after becoming entranced by it’s charm, architecture and heritage. Despite being mistaken for a matted, old hairbrush I’m actually a very well-to-do kind of guy.
I’m sharing an apartment with another former star; Tuska from Thundercats (yeah, the walrus man with the excellent arm action) and my long-term girlfriend, Moth Lady from Golden Girl is about to move in. No, I don’t like her name either. Nonetheless, I love her and spend my time pursuing my other great loves: art and writing.
Indeed, it’s been a downhill spiral since 1987. I spent a few years hammering the obligatory drug scene and tippling with tipple until I hit the inevitable rock bottom and awoke clutching my head one too many times. This was just one of the pleasant after-effects of deciding to drink an open bottle of pinot grigio that had spent the past month maturing into a stale vinegar. One of the other side effects was the duvet mound beside me…Beast Man.
Before you get any cute ideas, I had recently discovered that Beast Man and I were, in fact, cousins and he had just come off worse in a break-up with Skeletor. Yes, they were discreetly an item until the band CKY leaked one of their personal tapes.
[Caution, this video contains naughty language!]
That’s when I decided enough was enough. That I needed to get my sh*t together and it was time for the ever needy Beast Man to stand on his own two fuzzy feet. After an exchange in grunts and a fair bit of fur flying, a disgruntled Beast Man enraged his way out of my apartment. After an hour in the shower, I admitted to myself that there are some knots that no amount of conditioner will get out but more amazingly, I felt inspired!
Truth be told, despite my success in Etheria, all I ever wanted was to be a writer. I poised my quill then unwillingly received a flood of flashbacks of my parents telling me to quit and aim lower because I’ll feel less disappointed when I fail. This is why the only work I performed after my TV career was in retail for conglomerations I hate.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a shop assistant for a company you see as the Devil…unless you want to be anything else. Years later, I realised that I’d wasted the last 10 years of my life echoing the gripes of my epidemically epidermal parents. Almost as though their ghosts have been rattling around in my head but of course they haven’t. Their words had just been resonating for years and I had been too fearful to prove them wrong.
Like He-Man raising his sword, I once again clutched my quill and began to write my first novel. I’d never felt so liberated and finally realised success isn’t measured by finance. 20 years ago I had no money worries but I also wasn’t happy. If you’re happy then you are successful; rich or poor that’s the best anyone can actually hope for.
Speaking of happiness, mine’s just flown in. My Moth Lady, my muse with all of her bags of shi…lovely things to decorate mine and Tuska’s hizouse when she moves in next week.
Hmm, watch this space!